Coming last...

Sometimes it’s not bad coming last in life, or being at the end of the queue.

Lab Rats: Think of the brave volunteer who signs up for testing ‘no more tears’ shampoo. Plucked from the comfort of his steel cage by his tail and held down while some spotty graduate flicks soapy suds into his little pink eyes.

There are definite benefits for Lab Rats like being last in the queue....once the formula has been perfected!

And then there are the Chickens:

Imagine a battery hen at end of the line lucky enough to only getting pecked and scratched from one side. Her one good eye looks out on expansiveness and freedom and she can plan her holidays… and still have a good side for the passport photo.

…I know what your thinking and you’re right….

Passport photos must be taken front on.

Thanks for that, not only have you just ruined the plausibility of this story but you’ve also dashed the hopes of the hapless chicken.

You’re worse than the chicken farmer! Hope you can sleep at night….you probably nod off counting painfully disfigured lab rats!

The curious lick

Things you shouldn’t lick…

- 9 volt batteries
- tin foil (you’ll only do that once right?)
- bus windows
- asphalt
- your uncle... in fact you shouldn’t lick most relatives!!

The 9 volt batteries are especially bad for you. A mate of mine was actually killed licking a 9 volt battery.

I felt kind of bad for a while ‘cos I’d dared him to do it…well dared him then pestered and heckled him until eventually he stopped what he was doing and licked….

Wooomph!!!!

Unfortunately what he 'stopped doing' was …...crossing the road!

Actually he managed to combine several of the forbidden lickable items in quick succession:

9 volt battery

bus windscreen

then asphalt.